Gregg Williams, The Bounty Hunter

I actually didn't really want to talk about this but I have to give my two cents. I have played high school ball, junior college, and semi-pro football in my career. In general, if you ask anyone that has ever seen me play, I was one of the angriest folks to ever touch the field. I hated everything in a different color jersey. Just to preface my forthcoming statement, no Mr. Devil's Advocate, I have never been played to play football, I have never once gone on to a football field to intentionally injure another player. That being said, I tried to knock someone out every chance I got. I was a safety that played relatively close to the line and my playing career was only extended and oftentimes paid for through scholarship because of my ferocity. My helmet was always chipped and every practice wide receiver on my JUCO team had welt marks from my helmet. Every running back or receiver from a different school scowled at me after the game because my intentions were to knock them the blank out EVERY SINGLE TIME. This was, however, the era of Ronnie Lott, Steve Atwater, Dennis Smith, Chuck Cecil et al. It was encouraged to break somebody into pieces with an earth shattering legal hit. But no, never would I intentionally twist an ankle, a neck, aim for a knee or anything like that in order to get the guy out of the game and even more astonishingly to get a $1500 bonus on top of my $5 million for the year.

The annoying part is that you have so many former football players saying that this has always been done in the locker room. If that is the case, then it has always been wrong. How could one man decide that another man is not fit to feed his family so that this guy can make some penance of a bonus? If Peyton Manning, who I can't stand, can no longer play because of some bounty hit then the player that injured his neck should forever know that, yes, of course, Manning's kids wont starve but, daddy will have to make coin in some other way now because Larry "The Bounty Hunting" Linebacker needed to buy some more Louis XIV at 40/40 so he could dull the pain of the bullet going into his thigh. Think about it. If you work for FedEx and the UPS guy gets a bonus for slowing you down using dubious methods and now you're on Workers Comp because that guy caused your hand truck to flip over and blow out your knee, sure you still have income but not the way you did before. Right, I know this is a stupid analogy but the fact remains that one man is effectively taking the fate of another in his own hands.

Someone on ESPN New York the other day mentioned that it is disturbing to think that when a player is on a stretcher or gets carted off that both teams take a knee in prayer for the fallen player. That, I agree, is one of the most disingenuous things to do if you know that you are getting some bonus for putting that guy on that stretcher. Football is football. If a guy goes down, he goes down. That's the risk one takes in playing a violent sport. But to play God, with another man's fortunes is almost evil to some degree. I have put people out of games, and people have put me out of games, but I never did it because we were setting aside strip club money to put a guy on a cart. If the players that put me on stretchers did it for any other reason than to destroy a player in another color jersey than I wish nothing but ill will on that jag off for retarding my career. Plus I can't wait for the IRS to come knocking on the door for the 50 large that was allegedly in the pot. Ask Wesley Snipes about the IRS, apparently they are very good friends.

Good Luck Cam

Okay. Someone please tell me why Andrew Luck is being compared to Cam Newton. I thought, supposedly, Andrew Luck was the best thing since John Elway and Cam Newton had a lot of question. Wasn't Andrew Luck a sure thing last year? I thought that there were no questions about his viability as the fifteen year perennial all pro quarterback that will fill his trophy case with MVP's and have more finger bling than the Bishop Don Magic Juan. In the immortal words of Stuart Scott, what had happened was, RGIII. I don't know if all of the football pundits are scrambling because of the age old beliefs as to what a good pro quarterback was is beginning to fall flat on its proverbial face. Or maybe it's the fact that as Bobby Valentine said recently, media gets paid to say stuff and teams get paid to do stuff. Professional football teams look at their product and do everything to make it better, unless of course you are the Oakland Raiders or Washington Redskins. GM's and coaches will sit in a room and say hey, this defensive end runs a 4.6 40 yard dash. My quarterback runs a 5.2 40 yard dash. No one needs an advanced degree in applied mathematics to understand that if that 280 pound monster that hasn't eaten for a week gets turned loose by your slower, weaker offensive tackle then in .6 seconds there will be impact. Of course, weirdos, I'm oversimplifying, but the fact remains that if every other position on the football field is getting bigger, faster, and stronger, that the most cerebral position on the field would need to change as well. Perhaps I may be too cavalier about the necessity of a speedy athletic quarterback. Tom Brady ran a 5.2, Eli Manning ran a 4.9. I mention these particular quarterbacks because their success is undeniable and so is their elusiveness. Not a soul will mistake Brady or manning for Michael Vick or Randall Cunningham but Eli was sacked about 29 times last year. This tells me that with a combination of good offensive line play and the QB having the ability to escape can produce results lending to difficulty in sacking the QB.
At the end of the day, the Dan Marino stand in the pocket and let 'er rip days are all but over. Lots of folks love to point to John Elway and his decrepit knees doing a 360 to gain a first down in the Super Bowl. What those same losers forget is that Elway was a very mobile QB in his youth. Todd McShay and Mel Kiper and all of the other historic figures that have pontificated over the past thousand years about how a quarterback should look will need to adjust their collective abacus and reassess what a New World Order QB will look like. This is not to say that this is the age of the 4.4 QB that can't hit the side of a 200 yard barn from ten yards away but these guys will need to become a lot more gifted like every other position on the field. Historically, no one cared about the QB's measureables. The only thing that mattered would be if he were 6'3", 230 lbs., could throw 75 yards, score over 20 on the wonderlic, throw 80 TD's a year in the Big 12, and not kill dogs or be accused of rape in the south. Now the entire combine is open for business for these jackwagons that thought they were MLB pitchers that only had to do one thing.
So, boys and girls, Andrew Luck may literally be the last of the QuarterHicans. Every analyst will fight to make sure all of their books and God awful sports show appearances will not be as useless as tits on a bull. There is a saying Mock Draft dopes, adapt or die.

NFL--Week Eleven Picks

1. Dallas over Washington
2. Detroit over Cleveland
3. San Francisco over Green Bay
4. Pittsburgh over Kansas City
5. Minnesota over Seattle
6. New York Giants over Atlanta
7. New Orleans over Tampa Bay
8. Jacksonville over Buffalo
9. Indianapolis over Baltimore
10. Arizona over St. Louis
11. San Diego over Denver
12. Cincinnati over Oakland
13. New England over New York Jets
14. Philadelphia over Chicago
15. MNF Tennessee over Houston

NFL--Week Nine Picks

Unfortunately I have had other things to do. Actually better things to do than educate the masses on the finer points of American football. I feel the world has been sorely missing my vast canon of knowledge on this particular subject matter so I will enlighten you folks and you can thank me later. Love 'em or leave 'em, these are my picks.

1. Atlanta over Washington. Atlanta looked great last week against one of the best teams in football and the Skins still suck.
2. Chicago over Arizona. It's cold in ChiTown this time of year. Warner is old and the Bears look solid
3. Baltimore over Cincinnati. The Ravens are playing real football right now and Cincinnati may be posers although Benson and Palmer are monsters. They won't be against Bulletmore, Murderland.
4. New England over Miami. Sorry, the wildcat will be mellow kittens against the Pats today. Brady almost looks like 2007 right now.
5. Jacksonville over Kansas City. The chiefs are horrible which is why they are not capitalized.
6. Indianapolis over Houston. The Colts will lose this season. They will not lose today. Peyton, robot or not is a monster and is having an MVP season.
7. Green Bay over Tamba Bay. The Bucs have a horrific pass defense and Aaron Rodgers will dismantle these dudes with Driver and Jennings.
8. New Orleans over Carolina. I was unsure about this one because these cats can't just keep winning like that but I can't see them losing in the Superdome.
9. Seattle over Detroit. The Seahawks have looked good more recently than the Lions. For that reason alone, I pick the Seahawks. I also like Matt Hasselbeck.
10. San Francisco over Tennessee. I think the Niners are the truth. I don't like the QB but everything else kind of looks good to me.
11. New York Giants over San Diego. This may be a sentimental choice as I am writing this in my Ahmad Bradshaw jersey but I can't see the Jints dropping 4 straight.
12. Dallas over Philly. I hate the Cowboys, I hate the Eagles but it may be time for the Eagles to be inconsistent again and when the 'Boys are rising, it takes a bit for them to come down, usually in the playoffs, right Romo.
13. Pittsburgh over Denver. Pittsburgh will expose Kyle Orton and all of his badness. Despite the record, Orton is still a JV QB on a High School football team not even starting.

NFL--Week One Picks

Atlanta over Miami

Matt Ryan, Michael Turner and Roddy White are too much too handle for Jason Taylor, Jerry Porter and Bill Parcells.

Baltimore over Kansas City

KC sucks and everyone knows it. Matt Cassel trade, good for him, bad for everyone else.

Carolina over Philadelphia

This is the game of the week I think but Carolina outclasses the team missing Brian Dawkins

Cincinnati over Denver

Cincy with a serious OchoCinco and a healthy Carson Palmer outweighs Denver and the defensive MVP Kyle Orton

Minnesota over Cleveland

This was a win before Brett Favre. Top 3 Defense in the league and AP.

Houston over New York Jets

The Texans look solid and Andre Johnson will make Slaton look good against the revamped defense. Rex Ryan will however make the defense top 10 this year.

Indianapolis over Jacksonville

Do I really need to give a reason here?

New Orleans over Detroit

Detroit will win this year... just not this week.

Dallas over Tampa Bay

I hate Dallas but Roy Williams is going against a CB in Ronde Barber that gave up 9 TD's last year. Toasty!!

Arizona over San Francisco

The Cards win but its not the gap you think.

New York Giants over Washington

The Giants receivers aren't that bad and Washington hasn't improved that much.

Seattle over St. Louis

Seattle may have the best LB corps. in football.

Green Bay over Chicago

Aaron Rodgers outplays Jay Cutler

New England over Buffalo

Really? TO makes no real impact and Brady doesn't miss a step.

San Diego over Oakland

Oakland is still bad but better if Heyward-Bey can catch and McFadden stays healthy.

NFL--Shawne Merriman Arrested For Choking Tila Tequila

I am not going to report breaking news on this because it is already out there but there are a few issues that I wan to address early regarding the newest NFL criminal activity.

Shawne Merriman had a little issue in 2006 when he tested positive for steroid use but other than that, he hasn't really been much of a problem child. It will be interesting to see how the public and the media will look at this. Will they turn him into this horrible woman beater or will it be ignored. The right thing to do would be to let the justice system and the police department do their job and get to the bottom of accusations. The justice system will determine where to go with whatever evidence is found and his lawyers and Tila Tequila's lawyers will determine punishment. I hope that the NFL doesn't interfere with the legal process. Roger Goodell at times seems like that old ass lady that hangs out the window and doesn't mind their business. 

Tila Tequila claims that she is a virgin and claims that she is allergic to alcohol, this may all be true but we are still waiting to hear what the San Diego County Sheriff's Department deem as the truth. Merriman says that she was drunk and he was trying to help her get home. Some people say that she is his girlfriend, he denies that. Some say this and some say that. She made a citizens arrest and that has to be honored by the police. The bottom line is, the NFL sould not move on this at all. Lights Out is 6 foot 4, 265lbs. Tila is 4 foot 11, 93lbs. She has not shown any visible signs of abuse but, I am not a forensic scientist so who am I to say that she wasn't assaulted. 

Regardless of the outcome, as media and public, it is our job to not rush to judgement in either direction. We should not call her a drunk and a whore nor should we call him a woman beater and another problem athlete. Keep your picket signs at home jerkoffs and let the people with the right jobs do their jobs and you do your job stocking shelves at Wal-Mart when you are not the president of I was a loser in high school club and I hate cool people. Roger Goodell, I am sorry that you were stuffed in a locker in school but you should let the lawyers work this time and work on your golf game.

College Football – Bradford Goes Down, Heisman Shakeup

I wish injuries on no one but the football gods have decided against Bradford winning a second Heisman. Bradford went down tonight in a tight game against a top 25 but little respected team. Bradford was driven to the turf and sprained his throwing  shoulder. I have to say though, that Oklahoma didn't look very good before the injury anyway. The team had 93 yards in penalties and the 4 new starters on the line looked just that, new. He never looked like he was in that much of a rhythm. The Sooners didn't take full advantage of the other teams mistakes like years prior. After opening the season with a loss, the Sooners will no longer be in the national spotlight until the Red River Rivalry game against Texas on October 17th. So Bradford's Heisman campaign is over but there are a few that have put themselves on notice after the first week

Zac Robinson accounted for 3 TD's today for Oklahoma State and 2 of them went to Biletnikoff lock, Dez Bryant. Those guys will have to fight to see who will get the backing for their campaigns. Let's not forget that they had this great game against a pretty decent SEC team in the Georgia Bulldogs. There will be a couple of cream puffs on their schedule that are infinitely easier than Georgia which will allow Bryant and Robinson to put up some STOOPID numbers this year.

Jimmy Clausen threw for 4 TD's and we all know that if anything good is coming out of Notre Dame, all of the alumni will circle the wagons and make it seem light years bigger than it actually is. Clausen is, as of today, a Heisman candidate on a team and in a community dying for a hero and his 4 TD tosses today gave him a cape.

By the way boys and girls, one of the greatest college football players to ever live, Tim Tebow didn't even play the entire game. Even more of a reason for him to gain respect. All he wants to do is win. He threw a TD and ran a TD then had a soy mocha latte no whip chai whatever while he watched his backup run the score up.